This is just crazy. It looks like I’m not going to be able to move in with the ‘friend of a friend’ tomorrow as planned because t they’ve had some sort of last minute falling out and my friend can’t get hold of her. This has been something we’ve talked about for months and I would not have even come here if this wasn’t a solid option. My mum and I were going down there tomorrow on the train with my suitcases.
I just got this email from my friend 20 minutes ago from my friend and a text and a missed call. I was having an enjoyable evening up until now with my mum and her husband after I’d successfully cooked arroz con pollo for the first time, despite my anxiety and fear of fucking it up,
I’m in shock right now and my mum and her husband have gone to bed. I don’t even know what to tell my mum and she will be furious with me, most likely. I’m meant to be leaving here tomorrow and moving in with that person. I have no idea how I’ll even begin to explain any of this, if indeed it does go ‘tits up’. I can’t feel anything right now…no anger, no anxiety, no nothing. I know it’s going to hit me though, because I’m basically screwed. There’s no way that my mum and her husband will be OK with me staying here beyond tomorrow and I don’t have anywhere else to go. Even if going back to Rochester was possible tomorrow, I wouldn’t want to and I’ve severely fucked things up with my roommates that I really can’t go back.
Please tell me that this is a joke. All I can do is wait, but I’m not even sure I feel safe or comfortable moving in with a potentially volatile person. What the fuck do I even tell my mum? I’m going to look like a total fool, which is what I am for trusting someone yet again because I was so desperate to leave Rochester and return here.